OK so I was very kindly invited to go out with my neighbor Dominique and her friends for girls night out (soiree des filles I think). After several attempts that were cancelled cuz of Dominique’s crazy work schedule (she works for the French post office in Purchasing) we set it up for Tuesday evening. Even though it’s hard to stay up late and hard to leave the dinner hour to Devin, I was excited to make some friends on my own, meet a group of working women/moms I can relate to, feel connected here away from home, improve my French, etc. I made the arrangements by phone for 2 of the gals whom I’d never met before to pick me up on the side of the road by our house. Just as I walked (staggered in some uncomfortable boots I put on at the last minute, not realizing how uncomfortable they are) out onto the street, a car slowed down for me and I got in hoping it was really them (it was!) We made the 30 minute trek (like Berkeley to SF) to Montpellier, a lively San Francisco looking town which is known for its charm with Spanish looking influences, many young people, many medical students at the famous medical school nearby, etc. It looked like North Beach and the outdoor seating areas were packed! Even in the Fall weather! We parked underground and then walked in the cobblestone narrow, hilly streets past lots of cool shops, both couture and hippy fresh, to a bar where Dominique and another girl Sophie were waiting. It was the bar of her husband’s cousin. Called the Distillerie and it was decorated all Rock and Roll. The “barman” had those huge holes in his ears and tattoos and talked kids with Dominique. (love the contrast) There I had this yummy beer that tasted like lemonade. Then we walked across the street to an Italian place where we had reservations. Everyone ordered a main course and later dessert and we had another novelty—Italian red sparkling wine. I had never heard of it. It tasted like grape juice (I liked it). We were not rushed and I was so surprised that we sat with our empty plates for quite some time before someone took them away and for another hour and a half before someone finally asked for the check. That was at 11:30PM. The food part of dinner is really just one of many requirements, and it’s not the central one! In total we were there 3.5 hours. It was great fun!
The conversation was just like at home—universal topics… Everyone talked about the men and kids in our lives. I didn’t get everything of course but got the gist of some of it. One girl talked about the Italian boyfriend she didn’t choose (3 kids and 10 years ago) and she thought she make the right decision because being a wife in Italy is really hard and another girl talked about the difficulty of dealing with trading daughter time with her ex. Another one is separated but still ‘friends with benefits’ with him. The women all have interesting jobs, and are mothers. One runs a division in the post office, one owns a store, one is a professor.
One girl asked me an interesting question—what is it like in for us Americans between men and women in the home. I understood the question was about the division of labor. I told her how in Berkeley there were many men that were staying home to take care of the children and that at home we shared the cooking and cleaning. Next time I will tell them how I at times I wished to go back to the traditional route because I felt I was missing a part of my maternal identity by not taking enough of it on. (weird?) Right now, while we are in France, I am doing most of the shopping, meal planning, house cleaning and I ask for help when I need it. And we split child time about 50-50. This set up feels good for us. It is interesting how we need to go to different extremes of the pendulum to find the right balance, in terms of social trends and per each family. Really it seems to me there’s no rule anymore, every family needs to find their best fit. The gals used the term “France isn’t that evolved yet” They included the word “yet” because it seems to me they feel there has been progress. But they still feel they have to do all the cooking and cleaning and it’s not going to change. I understood an acceptance because to do otherwise would be too difficult. Which is kind of true. At a macro level, I think the university feminist agenda must be to concentrate on sexual harassment in the workplace a la DSK before anything else… Don’t worry people, I’m not going there, just curious how things work here...
Again, a testament to the universality of women everywhere, 3 of us ended the evening making plans to exercise together. On Sundays, we’re going to try to power walk between the wineries. Everyone wanted to do it for one reason or another, one is quitting smoking and is fully expecting to gain weight because of it. Another needs to lose weight and I am trying to prevent against bad health now that I’m turning 40 in 4 months.
Speaking of health, I am so surprised that almost all the women I know/see are smokers! (And like in Devin’s post, they often blow smoke in their kid’s faces!!) It seems like a different planet where people have no idea they shouldn’t smoke or smoke in front of their babe’s faces. I wonder how many things we do that are totally completely strange. (drinking coffee/eating anything while walking down the street) Isn’t traveling interesting.
All together it was a lovely evening and although I was exhausted and couldn’t wait to get in bed, I was so happy to meet these women. I hope to get to know them all better. By the way, just a petit shout out to my girls in Berkeley/Bay/LA/CA/US. Miss you all and our own nights out... ;)
Great writing Lara xo
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