Lara Post-Devin's Big Birthday Surprise

So November 5^th was coming up and I wanted it to be really special. Here we are in Devin’s favorite country. We won’t be here for his birthday for a couple years if all our plans go well. Next year is a big birthday year. So why not party this year like it’s next year and have a big blow out? So our dear friend , Joel (the kids favorite ‘uncle’ who stops by to visit  almost every day) planned the party and told me what I had to do. He arranged for one friend to donate their family picnic area (side bar: this is a thing here—everyone who lives in the village here without gardens, has some kind of access to a large field where there’s a cabin that they can use on weekends for large family meals and grow some fruits and vegetables for personal use.) Then he planned the menu of paella, sangria, chocolate birthday cake. Then he had Devin decide who were his closest friends in the ‘hood and he had me send real invitations, which were basically little kid invitations that I found at the grocery store.

The day before the party, we realized the huge storm of the last 5 days was going to make Helene’s retreat up the road impossible to reach--the unpaved road up the rocky hill to the cabin would be full of mud and all the cars would get stuck. (plus imagine the mud on Anais) Where are we going to accommodate 25 adults and 10 kids in this rain? Out in front of our house in our neighborhood meeting spot is out of the question—it is absolutely pouring down rain. So we had a neighborhood huddle and finally settled on moving the furniture in our house to accommodate the 35 people. (When you see how narrow our living room is, you will wonder how we did it)

Kids table:

adults table:

Even though we tried to encourage the adoption of the American ‘please no gifts’ custom, our friends truly would have nothing of it. They told me absolutely not, they must get a gift. And they insisted on organizing a ‘big’ gift and collecting money from everyone. It was very thoughtful too. They all know Devin took guitar lessons from our neighbor Remy (they heard Devin singing, “it was the first part of the journey” every day for 3 months ;) so they got him a really nice guitar. Joel organized it and Ludevine found big enough paper to wrap it up nice.

Devin made 2 nice speeches thanking everyone for welcoming him and us to the community and here’s to many more years of gatherings together, etc. It was heartfelt and really a lovely day.

Some more pics of our guests:

Silliness:

 and Anais wants to do it too:

And here's what we ate and drank:

Parties last around here and people were here from 12 to 8PM!! This picture makes it look like a 'kegger' ;)

The party was great fun. A couple of the old timers (Devin’s favorite thing to do in France is chat with the older generation) stayed late to drink man drinks and eat more food while I got the kids ready for bed.

But this is not the whole story. This party is on the Sunday-the day after his real birthday, But I have something up my sleeve for Saturday, his actual birthday. And he knows nothing! I lie a few days before and tell him that for his real birthday we’ll probably go for a bike ride with the kids and keep it simple in preparation for the big party the next day. He buys it. I have planned a rather complicated menu symbolic of Devin’s interesting  life so far. Each course shall represent something special about Devin. I’ve arranged for his very best friends who live about 1 hour away to come over while we are out and we’ll have one of those long French lunches together. The catch is, with all the other activities, when am I going to prepare the complicated menu? How do I keep him from knowing I’m doing it? And how do I get him out of the house so the friends can surprise him?  The morning of his birthday I am a nervous wreck. I lie several times that morning to cover my tracks and keep him from suspecting anything. I feel so guilty because my lies are so good and believable. Then, as if he knows about everything and is playing right into my hand, at the perfect time, he offers to go on a long errand to pick up the wine for the next day’s party. The minute he is out the door, I set up the kids with a movie and I race around the house to prepare the scene. We are to have each of our courses on a different floor in the house. So I have to set 3 tables! Then I have to finish frying the Brazilian appetizers and warm all the side dishes, frost the Spiderman Birthday cake with a complicated spider web, ice the drinks, etc.

Our dear friends arrive and I realize I can tone down the worry because that important part has happened, they’ve arrived while he is out. But it’s hard to calm down and now I’m practically hyperventilating. Finally though I am almost calm as I realize the big ‘reveal’ is almost going to come and we’re really about to pull it off. It’s really important to me to make this a special birthday for Devin. Every year my gifts do nothing for him. Of course he thanks me but I can see that there is almost no material thing that will ever impress him. I must figure out how to show him how much I care!! Hence the pressure I’ve put on myself.

Thankfully the kids are super chill. Sebastien is so happy to be watching his movie. And Anais is happily puttering about entertaining herself like usual. Finally Devin shows up and he had delayed because he took a nice walk by himself-his favorite activity. I thought for sure he was doing that on purpose but in fact it was perfect idea on his part. Then he sees I’m frying the Brazilian dish and he says ‘Oh, you’re making those!” and I say yes, “surprise”. And then, “I have another surprise for you. Come in the living room” There sort of hiding in the corner of the dining room, are Genevieve and Henri, his second family, the friends he’s had since he first stepped foot on French soil. They are really important to him and he named our daughter after her. They are super cute, and say surprise at the perfect time. The joy on Devin’s face is rewarding. Just what I was hoping for and I am thrilled:

Each course was served in a different level of the house. The apero was in the cave (wine cellar):

Then for "the philosopher" course (symbolized by Russian Borscht-for his love of Russian) I ask everyone to look under their plates for little pieces of paper with Devin's favorite quotes:

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it."
— Upton Sinclair (author of The Jungle-a favorite book)

“The noble title of "dissident" must be earned rather than claimed; it connotes sacrifice and risk rather than mere disagreement.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian (favorite author/book)

But remember, with strength goes responsibility - to others and to yourselves. For you cannot conquer injustice with more injustice - only with justice and the help of God.
--How Green Was My Valley (a fav movie)

We have some fun discussing those and what the quotes mean to each person—the interpretations are different for the French minds. I had fun looking them up. I'm so proud of Devin's love of books and these noble ideas...

For the main course, we have Genevieve's famous Blanquette au Veau. I chose it because it reminds me of France and the Morel family and symbolizes their great importance to Devin.

Finally we end with Sebastien and Anais' Spiderman Chocolate cake. (really they helped design and make it!)

It was all so much fun and Devin said it was one of his best birthdays ever. We all had a great time, both parties were a great success. Devin is such a wonderful friend and father and husband. We all wanted to make him happy on his birthday and he was. J

Devin post-3 months pile poil

We're approaching 3 months "on the nose" as the title says that we've have been here in France. It's been fascinating to witness Sébastien's acquisition of the French language and culture. Anaïs is trailing behind as well with commentary such as "oui maman" or je ne peux pas, soleil, par là, ici, ça.

Sébastien gave me the best birthday present ever when he fired off two french questions back to back to me. This was proof enough for me that he has begun to navigate in a second language.
We're excited to see what the next three months will produce.

Lara outdid herself twice this month in the kitchen. The first event was a surprise birthday party. One rarely is able to surprise me perhaps because I'm too observant. Lara's thoughtful menu was a culinary tour of those places which I've visited over the years.

We began with borsch from my Petersburg days, then coxinhas from Brasil, afterwards blanquette de veau from France, culminating with chocolate cake from Berkeley.

Three weeks later, Lara seized the kitchen once again and began the preparation for Thanksgiving. We celebrated it on Friday so as to include our closest friends who are almost like family. The donkey was cooked to perfection. And the stuffing was superb. Did I say donkey?

In a week or so, we will set off for Paris for a petite semaine - 5 days. We'll stay with two different families and give the kids a taste of Paris which has already begun to be decorated for x-mas. Sébastien is looking forward to the Tour Eiffel.

Aside from taking care of the kids and working on the house, I've been enjoying studying Italian in my free time. Once a  week, I meet with 1 of 2 Italian speakers in town and put to the test what I've just learned.

I'll close by telling you what we do each Wednesday. The kids do not have school this day, so Lara and I alternate by surprising each other with a family adventure to some cool location within an hour or two from Aniane. There are endless destinations in the Languedoc-Roussillon. We'll never discover it all, but we plan on seeing as much as we can. We will be heading towards http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cirque_de_Navacelles soon.

Come and visit if you can.

A+

Lara Post--Ladies Night Out

OK so I was very kindly invited to go out with my neighbor Dominique and her friends for girls night out (soiree des filles I think). After several attempts that were cancelled cuz of Dominique’s crazy work schedule (she works for the French post office in Purchasing) we set it up for Tuesday  evening. Even though it’s hard to stay up late and hard to leave the dinner hour to Devin, I was excited to make some friends on my own, meet a group of working women/moms I can relate to, feel connected here away from home, improve my French, etc. I made the arrangements by phone for 2 of the gals whom I’d never met before to pick me up on the side of the road by our house. Just as I walked (staggered in some uncomfortable boots I put on at the last minute, not realizing how uncomfortable they are) out onto the street, a car slowed down for me and I got in hoping it was really them (it was!) We made the 30 minute trek (like Berkeley to SF) to Montpellier, a lively San Francisco looking town which is known for its charm with Spanish looking influences, many young people, many medical students at the famous medical school nearby, etc. It looked like North Beach and the outdoor seating areas were packed! Even in the Fall weather! We parked underground and then walked in the cobblestone narrow, hilly streets past lots of cool shops, both couture and hippy fresh, to a bar where Dominique and another girl Sophie were waiting. It was the bar of her husband’s cousin. Called the Distillerie and it was decorated all Rock and Roll. The “barman” had those huge holes in his ears and tattoos and talked kids with Dominique. (love the contrast) There I had this yummy beer that tasted like lemonade. Then we walked across the street to an Italian place where we had reservations. Everyone ordered a main course and later dessert and we had another novelty—Italian red sparkling wine. I had never heard of it. It tasted like grape juice (I liked it). We were not rushed and I was so surprised that we sat with our empty plates for quite some time before someone took them away and for another hour and a half before someone finally asked for the check. That was at 11:30PM. The food part of dinner is really just one of many requirements, and it’s not the central one! In total we were there 3.5 hours. It was great fun!

The conversation was just like at home—universal topics… Everyone talked about the men and kids in our lives. I didn’t get everything of course but got the gist of some of it. One girl talked about the Italian boyfriend she didn’t choose (3 kids and 10 years ago) and she thought she make the right decision because being a wife in Italy is really hard and another girl talked about the difficulty of dealing with trading daughter time with her ex. Another one is separated but still ‘friends with benefits’ with him. The women all have interesting jobs, and are mothers. One runs a division in the post office, one owns a store, one is a professor.

One girl asked me an interesting question—what is it like in for us Americans between men and women in the home. I understood the question was about the division of labor. I told her how in Berkeley there were many men that were staying home to take care of the children and that at home we shared the cooking and cleaning. Next time I will tell them how I at times I wished to go back to the traditional route because I felt I was missing a part of my maternal identity by not taking enough of it on. (weird?) Right now, while we are in France, I am doing most of the shopping, meal planning, house cleaning and I ask for help when I need it. And we split child time about 50-50. This set up feels good for us. It is interesting how we need to go to different extremes of the pendulum to find the right balance, in terms of social trends and per each family. Really it seems to me there’s no rule anymore, every family needs to find their best fit. The gals used the term “France isn’t that evolved yet” They included the word “yet” because it seems to me they feel there has been progress. But they still feel they have to do all the cooking and cleaning and it’s not going to change. I understood an acceptance because to do otherwise would be too difficult. Which is kind of true. At a macro level, I think the university feminist agenda must be to concentrate on sexual harassment in the workplace a la DSK before anything else… Don’t worry people, I’m not going there, just curious how things work here...

Again, a testament to the universality of women everywhere, 3 of us ended the evening making plans to exercise together. On Sundays, we’re going to try to power walk between the wineries. Everyone wanted to do it for one reason or another, one is quitting smoking and is fully expecting to gain weight because of it. Another needs to lose weight and I am trying to prevent against bad health now that I’m turning 40 in 4 months.

Speaking of health, I am so surprised that almost all the women I know/see are smokers! (And like in Devin’s post, they often blow smoke in their kid’s faces!!) It seems like a different planet where people have no idea they shouldn’t smoke or smoke in front of their babe’s faces. I wonder how many things we do that are totally completely strange. (drinking coffee/eating anything while walking down the street) Isn’t traveling interesting.

All together it was a lovely evening and although I was exhausted and couldn’t wait to get in bed, I was so happy to meet these women. I hope to get to know them all better. By the way, just a petit shout out to my girls in Berkeley/Bay/LA/CA/US. Miss you all and our own nights out... ;)